I feel so helpless, desperated and frustrated.In this year, I have experienced a lot, which makes me to be a more mature person. But also, makes me be so scared to believe in God again. That doesn’t mean that I want to give up, I want to carry on the faith, but, the things I have experienced are too hard to believe. Thru this year, seems God has created so many chances for me, but whenever there was a chance, when I was well prepared and even had worked so hard to achieve them, at last, it would go. Without any clues or any given explanation. Today, I experienced this loss again. I asked God, actually, I am willing to work hard, and I was totally in trust in him. Even when my husband had doubts in him, I said, we should teasure the hard time we had, cos God wanted to make me be more capable to be someone, to glorify his name. But, when the similar situation happened again and again, I ask myself, 「How can I trust anymore?」. I put all of my trust in him, I prayed to him, ask for his confidence. But now, we can’t even have a proper lives. I am so desperate, I don’t know what I can do. I want to keep my faith, and deeply from my heart, I know God is there, but why I have to go thru all of these desesters again and again.
Thanks for your letter, Helpless gal. You felt desperated and frustrated because you thought you couldn’t seize each opportunity given by God, and accomplished all the task from Him. Besides, experiencing difficulties and failures again and again, you felt helpless and hopeless.
When I read your letter, I have a feeling of sadness and hopeless from you. It seems that you are circled by difficulties and failures. All these like a tall and wide wall that block you look upon God’s grace. He seems to be so speakness to you, and absent from your existing and immediate situation.
Psalm 139: 5-10 says 「You are all around me. You are behind me and in front of me. You hold me in your power. I’m amazed at how well you know me. It’s more than I can understand. How can I get away from your Spirit? Where can I go to escape from you? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I lie down in the deepest parts of the earth, you are also there. Suppose I were to rise with the sun in the east and then cross over to the west where it sinks into the ocean. Your hand would always be there to guide me. Your right hand would still be holding me close. 」 Helpless gal, God wants to tell you one thing, He is still there being with you. You see? There is nothing separating you from God’s love. Whether you believe it or not, He is still there. This is a FACT that nothing can change it.
Moreover, 1 Corinthians 4:2 says 「those who have been given a trust must prove that they are faithful」 What God want from us is being faithful — do our best with the capability and gifts that He has already given to us. He did not say 「You have to succes」. What God actually concerns is what lessons we have learnt from all these experiences. You are right that He wants to mode us to the kind of person He wants us to be. Though we would have tears, desparation and frustration in the process, He has prepared honour and glory for us in the coming future. So, Helpless gal, don’t give up!! You might say, it’s not an easy road. Yes, you are right that it’s not easy. Please, keep it in mind that Jesus walks beside you. Though He would not take away all your difficulties, he already gave strength to you. He brightens your journey and lightens your heavy load.